Hello and howdee doo, citizens of Skymoore! It is I, your illustrious mayor and humanoid potted plant Gendry Dew, here to recount the highlights of this wonderful Autumn as we prepare for the coming winter. It was a fun season, graced as always by love, by the arts, and by the hardworking men, woman, and others of Skymoore who make this blessed city what it is.
Of course, I am legally required to inform you that this pamphlet is compiled from the quarterly Citizen Surveillance Report, where the various government agencies of Skymoore compile all of the private and public information from your lives that we’ve gathered these past ninety days. The CSR helps us understand what makes Skymoore tick, and what we as your benefactors can improve on in the coming season.
Now, without further ado, let’s get highlighting!
Autumn 1st: Odd & Ends Autumn Sale
Hard to believe it’s only been half a year since Donovan Allman made himself a home here in the city where Sol shines the brightest. Lucky for us, that home happens to be connected to a magic shop that is changing the way we live our lives every day. This mayor can attest that his magic pens have made my sedentary life considerably easier, and I’m sure he can do the same for each and every one of you who found this pamphlet mysteriously placed on their dining room table, in their mailbox, or stuffed within their pocket this morning.
To celebrate both this milestone and the new season, store owners Allman and Nestor Pinkly had a sale. It was, of course, a smashing success! Expertly-made magic items don’t come cheap, after all, but this sale ensured that even our working-class citizens could spend their feathers and scales on that enchanted music box they’d been eyeing. My secretary Dustin got himself a nice hat that never gets wet, which comes in handy on those rainy Autumn and Winter days. Makes me feel a little better about having to fire him just days after he spent half his savings on the darn thing.
Furthermore, the sale brought merchants from all across Solkin to our town – something for which Allman and Pinkly have since publicly apologized for. But those merchants did bring goods and foods with them that are difficult to acquire up on our beautiful floating rock, so we forgive them.
Odd & Ends has expressed intent on having a similar sale to kick off spring, so start saving now!
Autumn 1st: Pilgrimage from the Mish Mash
Wow, Autumn sure did get off to a busy start! On the first day of Autumn, thousands of people, totaling about half of the Mish Mash’s population, just got up and left Skymoore in the middle of the night. To explain why this was, we need to first tell you a little bit about the Mish Mash’s culture.
As you likely know, the Mish Mash is what we call the neighborhood in which Skymoore’s underprivileged (read: poor) citizens live together so that they don’t have to live among us well off folks and get sad about their condition. Is it a den of crime and desperation? Yes. Is it controlled by the whims of a bloodthirsty katach called The Claw? Sure. But it’s also a place of love, community, and culture, just like the rest of Skymoore.
One aspect of this culture is the worship of Moola, their barbaric god of currency, who they serve in hopes of one day obtaining enough wealth to improve their condition despite systematic and cultural conditions which exist to prevent significant social movement. They are very private about what the worship of this god entails, but various surveillance agencies that will go unnamed have implied that they were planning a mass pilgrimage to Castiron, the economic heart of Penscarop, in order to appease their deity.
The sudden disappearance of most of the population seems to confirm that this pilgrimage took place. Why anyone would want to leave Skymoore is beyond me, but I wish them all the best in their travels.
Autumn 20th: Unfinished Portrait’s Unfinished Artwork Unfinished No Longer
Everyone’s favorite dwarven blacksmith has at last completed his carvings upon the enormous stone tablet that has leaned against his family’s smithy for years. He organized a public unveiling of the project – which he has described as “the perfect physical manifestation of my essence, you know?” – out in the agricultural district along Skymoore’s northern edge. Food and refreshments were provided, accounting for the sizable and enthusiastic turnout.
The festivities began with an interpretive dance, performed by a dozen of the dwarf’s ex-lovers, each simultaneously recounting their failed relationships. It was, according to many of the attendee’s, not bad.
Up next, a musical performance, where he played the Skymoore national anthem by stomping on various insects, the way Skymoore has repeatedly trampled on the young man’s dream. He is being sued for libel, and my lawyers have advised me to say nothing more on that matter.
Finally, the unveiling itself. As he removed the large burlap cloth, revealing his grand project, the audience responded by gasps of awe and grunts of confusion. The enormous stone was carved with nonsense imagery, and paragraphs upon paragraphs of writing in a language of Portrait’s own invention. The only readable word, written in the human script, was “ANATHEMATIZE.”
Unfinished Portrait announced that there was one last step to complete his masterpiece. He then threw himself at the tablet, knocking it over, and sending it careening over the edge of Skymoore, more than likely causing significant damage to the surface. Portrait offered no explanation, and sent everyone home.
Autumn 35th: Battle of the Bards! Live at the Sun Stage!
The Sun Stage, typically known for being the more elite and proper of Skymoore’s two theaters, decided to have a bit of fun by hosting this year’s Battle of the Bards, presumably to anger Luminous owner Gwendolyn Bottlehelm, who often participates.
As you know, every year the Battle of the Bards holds a unique contest of creativity, whether it be as simple as a talent show, or as extreme as the musical triathlon, which was famously banned for being way too cool (EDITOR’S NOTE: we are compelled, via forbidden enchantments, to inform you that the triathlon was actually banned for the horrific loss of life wrought by the competition).
This year, we got to experience some competitive theater in the form of a stage vs. stage play-off! Two teams – The True Believers, sponsored by the Church of the True Believers, and The Third Moon, sponsored by the high-end pub of the same name – had one week to choose, direct, and rehearse a classic play of their choice. The plays were then performed simultaneously, in the same room, to an audience who would then vote on a winner.
The result was an incomprehensible mess from which no winner could be discerned. Many left with migraines and upset stomach as their bodies struggled to comprehend the family drama depicted by The Third Moon and the puritanical morality tale delivered by The True Believers.
But not everyone hated it. Some new age art critics are calling it Jumblecore, a branch of theater which finds new meaning in plays by having them performed simultaneously with another. For instance, one critic suggests that the evening’s performance of Dinner Turmoil actively disproved the ideas on display in The First Pauper because the family was able to find happiness despite their greed.
What do I think, you ask? I think people will say anything to feel like they haven’t wasted five scales.
Autumn 63rd: Mayor Gendry Dew Accepts Mysterious Offer from Strange Sorceress
Government spies watched this day as our interminably chipper mayor held a meeting in a secret chamber below the Office of Subpublic Affairs in the dead of night. The meeting was with a hooded avayla woman, who discussed sinister magics with the mayor by candlelight. She said that with her help, the mayor could break free, not only from his role as a figurehead puppet controlled by a shadow government, but also from the clump of soil to which he is bound.
“What’s the catch?” our mayor asked, his smile faltering.
Autumn 77th: Local Family Has Uncomfortable Picnic
As autumn drew to a close, a halfling mother and daughter, identified by our divination sorcerers as Karessa and Alice Plunderton, shared a quiet picnic in Premonition Park. They brought with them some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, which they seemed to enjoy, and made chocolate milk, which looked just a bit too milky.
They engaged in the kind of small talk the families often engage in; “how was your day,” “what are your plans this weekend,” “are you looking for a job, mom,” and so on. But there a layer of awkward tension underlying it all. You know the kind, the kind that results from years of parental neglect and cruelty that itself results from unbearable emotional trauma and loss. But there was also a sense of relief, the kind that comes from sitting in a park that had once been partially consumed by a dark portal to a harrowing and unknown destination, but was now restored to its former peace by your own hand.
All-in-all, we rate our viewing experience of this picnic two stars out of five.